that do not claim
This has been a topsy-turvy week. I quit my job, my client is moving into a nursing home, my coworker is on drugs and I'm still- because I may always find myself here- in a financial bind. And that's just the work-related realm...
Personally: Nic got accepted into grad school, I may have to object at a friend's wedding, my new believers class is literally booming with talk of revival and meanwhile I haven't talked to my sister in Germany for nearly a month.
Vocationally: Ideas for the book I'm rumored to be writing are flowing in like honey and solidifying like a pristine Jello mold. Copyright!
Politically: I've actually become interested in politics again after being turned on to both Glenn Beck and the Grassfire organization. Did you know there are conservative activists?! I never knew such a type existed, let alone actually had a long-term, family- and God-centered agenda!
I feel like I'm on fire myself. Just a little bit, just a spark, because I've got so much more to learn, but what do I do with it?
Five years ago my action would have been to tell everyone what I know about the world until, two weeks later, I'd be so exhausted I couldn't keep the fire burning. I was a champion of causes, crusades and [cringe] "creating dialogue" between people. Don't get it twisted either, I was darn good at educating people onto my side. Five-years-ago me was fired up about this or that, but ultimately she died out because her fire really only burned for herself.
On Wednesday of this week I came face-to-face with 'five-years-ago me' and she was ugly, so today I say to that earlier version, "Get thee behind me Satan!" and I'm not afraid to say it. You want to question whether it's good for my self-esteem to call attention to my own sin like that? You want to talk about hellfire, damnation and the very real, very hot debate going on in many peoples' hearts between "serve yourself" and "serve God?" You want to try and convince me that my God isn't the holy, mighty, able, faithful, loving and keeping God that I know He is? I've got three words for you; bring it on.
I've known many people in my lifetime and I've burned a lot of bridges. This post, and some of the circumstances mentioned therein, may be the sparks that ends up burning up even more. But I will go on record today, in writing, saying that you can call me crazy, or fanatic, or confused, or naive, or uneducated; you can let the devil whisper into your ear that I think I'm better than you, or that this is just another one of my misguided phases of devotion. You can say whatever you like, but you will not convince me that this awesome, powerful fire burning within me should be used for anything but to advance the gospel of my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.