August 18th, 2011

Dear Sofia,

We still have no car of our own. The camry's transmission (part of the engine, what gives the power to the car so it moves) is busted, and we couldn't afford to fix it. So now we're driving a borrowed coworker's truck. We borrowed the truck, not the coworker.

And I found a car online.. but the guy won't return my phone calls or inquiries. I basically told him I would buy it upon test driving, so what gives? This is one of those times when I am truly baffled by another person's behavior.

What else? Sadly, there's nothing else going on. Mama's promotion at work so far has yielded a big fat 0 for more actual work to do. So I'm just a glorified receptionist. Mind you, I make good money for answering phones, so I'm not really complaining. Boredom is setting in as fall is just around the corner and there are no "new" plans. Last year we had you - something to look forward to, prepare for, anticipate.

Right now you might be thinking, "What about my birthday party?!" and if you are I'd be thinking you're pretty keen for a ten month old. Yes, I am planning the party. And it's gonna be great.

But I need more than that. Somewhere to go, someone to talk to, something to break in the long chain of burdens. Something funny, something inspiring. I miss the days when a painting, a song or a good book could do that for me.

I'm supposed to find hope in the Lord, and I do. I just don't get inspired by my faith. I suppose there are different kinds of faith, and I happen to have the burden-laden/heavy kind, as opposed to the lighthearted/joyful kind. Seems like the lighthearted kind is more inspired.

I'm not sure how to compartmentalize my life, put the burdens aside so I can enjoy something. Just seems like the burdens overwhelm everything else. The only thing I cherish is time with you, and right now you just want to be independent, roaming free. I don't blame you, but it stings.

Love you,

Mom