Overheard in New York, pt. II

Kid #1: Paper beats rock. BAM! Your rock is blowed up!

Kid #2: "Bam" doesn't blow up, "bam" makes it spicy. Now I got a SPICY ROCK! You can't defeat that!

--6 Train

Crazy: So I had to get fillings in all of my teeth.

Passenger: Uh huh.

Crazy: But I figured, why let them do that to me after they drilled holes in my brain, ya know?

Passenger: Sure.

Crazy: But I figured, might as well! Although if they were going to fill my teeth, I'd want them to use jelly.

Passenger: Yep.

Crazy: But the guy at the counter said they were out of jelly. So I got a blueberry muffin.

--R train

The Drug Legalization Debate; NYC Edition

Hobo: Look, I'm not going to lie to you. I'm not hungry or sick, I just need some money so I can get high, but it's just weed, I don't do heroin or cocaine or any of that s---.

Guy: You know, it's because of guys like you that people think pot should be illegal! Look at you! When I get high, I pay my own way! I earn my own money and get high! There are little kids on this train! What do you think they're going to learn? Man, think a little!

--4 train

Notes from the New York Underground

The subway doors open. A hobo enters, holding a bottle of windex in one hand and a tube of toothpaste in the other.

Hobo: Which is the better time to read Dostyevsky? Winter? (He sprays the windex.) Or Spring? (He squeezes toothpaste out of the tube.)

Japanese girl: Spring!

Hobo: You are correct.

--F train

[Homeless man is giving directions to tourists.]

Construction worker to tourists below: Don't listen to that guy, he's a homeless bum. He don't know what he's talking about, he's crazy. Seriously, stop talking to him, he's just a whacked out homeless guy.

Homeless man: Yeah, well... You're homeless! Yeah, how you like that?

--Columbus Circle