Families: Moms and Dads. Sisters and brothers. Everybody has a relationship with one or many of them, and each comes with a string attached.
Parisienne Farmgirl and I were talking at the farm about familial expectations. I brought it up, as family dynamics both fascinate and befuddle me. And, now that I have a family of my own (crazy!), I'm even more aware of the need to cultivate family ties and not just expect them to be present... or perfect.
I've also been thinking about what I really want to do with this blog. I love writing, but get overwhelmed by blogging because of the pressure I put on myself to make it something spectacular every time. So I've been pondering, what am I trying to convey, and who to?
Since Sofia was born it has become obvious. I want this blog to be something she can read sometime later and see what was going on in the world that was important to me.
My own baby book is sadly lacking in both pictures and content (maybe because I'm the youngest of three?), as is my knowing who my mom really is. It breaks my heart that the expectation I had as a child - that someday my mom and I would be really close seems to be slipping away ever more. Time and distance won't kill a relationship, for sure, but without a foundation it is difficult to build one up when we are so far apart. I can't bear the thought of that happening with my own daughter. The thing I want more than anything in the world is to be close with her, so that she can depend on me for all she needs, now and in every time of her life.
The format here will change a bit. I will keep all the old posts here for reference, but the look and feel will be different from now on. I hope it will allow me to be a little more honest with who I am, so that Sofia will have a window into her crazy mom's mind.
She is sitting with me right now, and the thought us always being so close is almost too wonderful to bear. I can't wait...