September 5, 2009

The Indoctrination Wagon

Did you know about the President's plan to speak to public school children about the importance of education and how they can help him achieve our goals?

Hope of all hopes, it looks like the indoctrination wagon has rolled into town!

You may remember that the last time it made a stop, it deposited a large honor on several school children who got to participate in what's sure to be called the music event of the century! No, not Michael Jackson's death. These lovely, innocent children got to sing the "Yes We Can" song of hope and change not only for their teachers and invited parents, but ultimately the whole world gained access to the delightfully hopeful ditty by way of the internet.

And if we got it through the internet, you know it must be quality! Think of all the other great things the internet has brought us in the past: online gaming, thousands of sites only one letter off from what you're actually looking for, giving you a fun game of turkey chase! Not to mention pornography.

But I digress. This post is all about the President looking after his own. His own. Why, surely you must agree that the public schools - run by government grants and filled with teachers union staff - just as much belong to the President. In fact, he's taking the time to directly speak to your children; when's the last time you had a chat with your kiddies about personal responsibility? In that sense, you could argue he has more right to them than you do.

Oh, you did just talk to them about personal responsibility? And it was because they're home with you most of the time, offering you plenty opportunity for meaningful conversations about values? Clearly this post doesn't address everyone; you hundred or so home schooled kids across the country are exempt.

For the rest of you lucky k-6 public scholars, you should consider it a great honor that your President wants to talk to you. Yeah, YOU. It's a great opportunity for you to prove to everyone how loyal you are to the President. And what better way to show your support of him than to do everything he says? Actions speak louder than words. Who needs words when you've got civic responsibility to worry about? You can't be bogged down with learning the complexities of the United States constitution; you've got work to do!

If, due to unforeseen circumstances, you are unable to attend school on the day of the address, don't worry. Your teacher will have individual copies to hand to every student, and your parents are required by law to show it to you every night. Ok, technically, it's not law yet, but they know the consequences of failure in that regard. Plus, you can help them be good citizens - like you want to be - by reporting any suspicious behavior to teachers you trust. You'll know you can trust them if they have the logo shirts with "afl-cio" on them. Those are the good ones. Or, simply write to the White House itself via their website. Now, be a good little comrade!

Kids, remember that no one became an accomplished citizen in one day, and not without really doing the legwork. Well, the President did, but that's not important. Your teachers will chart the personal goals you set for yourself and the progress you are making toward them. If you are not making progress, they will remind you. Don't be afraid of setting the wrong goals, either. Your teacher will help you determine which are acceptable.

Teachers, parents, children: This is the time for robust social action! Some people nowadays seem to be dragging their feet against the change we could be making if we all just did what we were told. A lot has changed since the founding fathers wrote the constitution. We don't have to worry anymore that the President or the Congress will have too much power, now that the good guys are in office! We know that they have our best interests in mind because they tell us they do. What, do you think they would lie to us? I don't think you get voter approval by promising one thing and delivering another!

Let's bring everyone onto the same team in the spirit of hope. Let's rally together to be the change that we seek. Let's remind each other what it really means to be an American:

To serve the government obediently and without question or confrontation.

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